New Year, New You, right?
When we pack away the decorations and turn the calendar to January, we want to believe that, in the shiny New Year ahead of us, we’ll be better and happier. In fact, according to recent research by Harris Interactive, women are more likely to make resolutions than men (74% vs. 58%). We resolve to lose weight, get a promotion or a new job, be more balanced, etc. Unfortunately, the same research indicates that only 14% of women actually succeed in following through on their good intentions.
What happens? Most of the time, women underestimate how much emotional energy they need to succeed. If you ask a hundred women why they quit working on a specific goal, most of the reasons will boil down to being emotionally worn out. Women give so much to so many, and we usually keep very little for ourselves. It one of the key ways we differ from men.
Maybe you’re already noticing how all that January 1st determination has lost some of its sizzle. That’s typical, but unproductive. You can do better for yourself. Start by thinking practically and plan your success the same way you orchestrate your child’s birthday party or a departmental project. You anticipate what could go wrong and prepare in advance to handle it. You do it all the time for everyone else, both in and out of work, but probably don’t think to apply the same process to your own success. Here are Five Tips for by increasing your Victory Quotient (VQ) for success in ’09. Focus on one tip each week – better to do one a week than do all of them at the same time and get overwhelmed. Small, doable steps can take you further than big, hard to digest chunks.
1. Pump Up The Passion
If accomplishing your New Year’s Resolution seems like a lot of work that doesn’t give you a lot of benefit, you’ll fail. Your reward has to outweigh the challenges.
What is it about your resolution that really jazzes you? For instance, why do you want a promotion? If you want it because it will give you more money or power, in what specific ways will money or power make your life better, happier or more satisfying? List the benefits and keep adding to them. Make the end result so incredibly attractive that you’ll keep going when the going gets tough – and it will.
2. Know Your Patterns
Unconscious habits group together into patterns, which grow into the lifestyles that either support or sabotage our victories. We all have them, and we know them. Once we name them, we can strengthen the good ones and change the bad ones. For example, intuition is an ability that is invaluable both at home and at work; it can be strengthened through meditation. Typical sabotaging patterns include:
- Negative self-talk (I’m so dumb)
- Need for Instant Gratification (it’ll take 3 years to finish my degree... I don’t want to wait that long)
- Denial (I kept hoping if I ignored the problem, it would go away)
- Lack of effective planning (I didn’t even think that could happen) and
- Distractions (I got too involved with my son’s science project)
Some people have a vested interest in keeping you the way you are. If you change, they’ll have to do the same – and they probably like things just the way they are. To avoid having to change, they will do and say things that will cause you to feel bad about yourself, such as using guilt or demeaning barbs, to keep you “in your place” – which means the one that makes them feel comfortable.
You may not be able to totally avoid these people (like if they are your siblings or coworkers). However, you can minimize your contact with them and also, be emotionally prepared for them. Boost your positive self-talk in advance (I deserve to be well-treated by others) and practice phrases that will deflect their efforts (thanks for your opinion; I’ll take it under consideration).
4. Think Before You Say Yes
We usually enjoy helping others, so we often say yes to requests before thinking about them. As a result, we can get into situations that distract us from what’s important and get us working on other people’s agendas instead of our own. Instead of instantly agreeing to requests, take a moment to think about what you can and cannot do. Practice saying, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you [name a specific time].”
5. Toot Your Horn
In Victorious Woman Workshops, we laugh about how often men get credit for doing a fraction of what women do…and then learn from them. There is a reason why men get credit for doing less than women. They tell people, usually everyone, and women keep their deeds to themselves. You don’t have to become an obnoxious braggart, but you can send your boss a friendly, weekly email update (in bullet points). Most people like hearing interesting stories, so learn to talk about your accomplishments as interesting stories and in ways that highlight your strengths.
When you finish all five tips, start over. That’ll be just in time to renew your motivation again by pumping up the passion. You can’t think of New Year’s Resolutions like fairy dust that magically makes dreams come true. They take time, effort and energy. New Year’s Resolution – like all goals – aren’t a sprint, they’re a marathon. And it’s in those marathons that you’ll find your victory. Get started today!
© 2008 Annmarie Kelly. All rights reserved.